This year I set out to take some time away from drawing and creating to explore some other things and to recalibrate my intentions with the art I create.I wanted to get personal. Mainly, to take an account of myself and how I have been and am now processing grief. ‘Making Wishes’ is an exploration of themes surrounding black infant mortality, miscarriage, collective grief, and my personal experience with long term grief.
The highchair symbolizes the innocence and the early stages of life. It's an everyday object meant for a growing child, a stark reminder of the life that was meant to be but was cut short. The highchair emphasizes the tender age at which my daughter Amaya was lost, (at 6 weeks old), highlighting the unfulfilled potential and the deep sense of loss felt by me as her mother. The highchair and the birthday cake both point to the future that was never realized. My baby girl never grew up, and each year that passes serves as a painful reminder of what could have been.
The phrases written to Amaya are things that I whisper to myself when I think of her, these serve as a direct communication between us. They represent the words that were never spoken, the love that was never expressed in person, and the memories that never had a chance to be created. This element personalizes the grief, making it tangible and intimate. The use of text creates a dialogue that spans time, attempting to bridge the gap between the living and the deceased.
The cake slice signifies a birthday celebration—a moment that should have been filled with joy and festivity. The act of writing phrases to my infant and the ritual of marking their birthday year after year serve as acts of remembrance, keeping her memory alive. This continuous act of memorialization is a way for mothers who have also experienced this, cope with their grief and honor their child's existence.
The 17 burnt out candles are symbolic of each year that has passed since Amaya’s birth and death, (August 1st, 2007), marking not just the passage of time but also the accumulation of grief and remembrance. The candles underscore that grief doesn't diminish over time. Each candle represents a year of mourning, suggesting that the pain of loss persists and evolves but never fully fades. The extinguished flames symbolize the lost years and milestones that will never be celebrated, evoking a sense of melancholy and unfulfilled dreams.
Addressing black infant mortality, this piece implicitly critiques the systemic issues that contribute to higher mortality rates among black infants, including healthcare disparities, socio-economic challenges, and racial injustices. My personal story of loss and grief is thus intertwined with a broader social commentary. By intertwining personal loss with broader social issues, this piece not only conveys the deep emotional impact of losing a child but also invites viewers to reflect on the systemic factors that contribute to such tragedies. It's a powerful reminder of both personal and collective grief, urging society to acknowledge and address these ongoing disparities.
Amaya, 17 years you have been gone, but you’ve never left my heart.
